We live in wonderful technological times, in the fastest lanes of life, in the instant responses and automated machines and services. With a click of a device or the punching of few numbers you have access to a myriad of services and information, some you need and some are worthless.
Nonetheless, you have no choice in the matter. The fact remains that the impersonal and cold talking machines replace the customary personal touch and service. To add insult to injury, we are limited to where, when and whom to contact and how many times we can call.
What if God Himself decided to operate in that fashion and devise a communication system for believers to subscribe to and log on. The system to include among others: prayers and requests, inquiries and mail room, tête-à-tête chatting room, sales and order departments, leisure and entertainment, Faq, available services, directories, life after death. You may need a sign on and a password. Payment for will be in various degrees of penance and atonement.
Armed with today’s technology, you dial or log in and may hear:
We’re sorry, all circuits are busy; our satellite are off orbit, please try your call again or later.
Or
We’re sorry, due to technical difficulties; we are unable to connect you.
Or
read Your log in time has expired, please log on later
Or
You are outside your calling area, please hang up and try later
Or
All the angels, saints and interceding personnel are helping other callers right now, we endeavor to give you the same courtesy and due attention, please be patient and remain on the line, your call will be answered in the order it was received.
Or
Leave your name and number and the department you want to talk to, and some celestial host will return your call.
Or
You have reached the interfaith concentration, Jews, press 1 followed by the pound sign, Christians, press 2 followed by the pound sign, Muslims, press 3 followed by the pound sign, lost souls press 4, new converts press 5.
Or
You have reached God’s Heavenly Quarters, please listen to the menu, if you know your party’s extension, you may dial it at any time. For the Throne of Mercy press 1, for Jesus press 2, for the Holy Spirit press 3, for the Virgin Mary press 4, for Abraham press 5, for Moses press 6, for Mohammad press 7, for Michael press 8, for Gabriel press 9, or you may remain on the line and some holy persona will be with you shortly, thank you for your patience and so on and so forth.
Or
You have reached God’s Heavens; please select one of the following options: Press 1 for requests. Press 2 to inquire about a request you’ve made. Press 3 for giving praises and thanks. Press 4 for complaints. Press 5 for other available services. Press 6 for all other matters. Your expected wait time is ½ an hour, your call is very important to us, please remain on the line and somebody will be with you shortly.
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